The other day I saw a T-shirt that proclaimed, “Redheads do it better.” Being a strawberry-blonde I must say I agree. And we don’t just do “it” better, we do everything better. Don’t believe me? Consider the following:

Though gentleman may prefer blondes and marry brunettes, they fear redheads. (Come on, which would you rather have, love or respect?)

When redheads do something that would get other women called the B-word, we’re just being “fiery.”

Redheads have a higher pain tolerance according to scientists from the University of Edinburgh (undoubtedly a result of the constant teasing we endured as children).

Redheads have more sex according to a study by Hamburg Sex Researcher, Professor Werner Habermehl.

We have an inexhaustible list of insults designed specifically for us: “ginger,” “freckle-face,” “carrot top,” “fire crotch,” etc.

But tragically, redheads are on the verge of extinction. According to the Oxford Hair Foundation, there may be none of us left by 2060. Such a crisis demands immediate action. No more partisan politics.

Rather than blowing $700 billion on the “economy,” how about donating that money to the National Association for the Advancement of Redhead People (NAARP)? Or putting us on the endangered species lists?

One thing is for sure, red-haired people everywhere need to start having babies, fast. Forgot about population control, us redheads are so smart that when our children grow up, they’ll find the solution to overpopulation and solve world hunger.

So there you have it, top five reasons why redheads are better. Next time you see a redhead on the street, be sure and tell her how envious you are of her superior hair color. Long live the redheaded stepchildren!