Backpacks don’t need wheels

I’m mad. No, I’m not upset about the budget cuts like everyone else. I’m mad at certain people who attend this University, and I’ll tell you why: backpacks with wheels.

Everyone knows what I’m talking about-those backpacks with the long handles and little wheels that certain students pull behind them as if they’re late for a flight.

These have to be the most unnecessary things on the face of the planet. In fact, I sat down to try and come up with a list of things more useless than wheeled backpacks, and the only thing that even came close was the WNBA. But even professional women’s basketball serves more of a purpose than backpacks with wheels.

How many times have you been walking down the halls on your way to your next class, only to be slowed up by someone walking in front of you at a slight angle, taking up half the hallway? I know I’ve been in that situation several times in just one day!

Which reminds me of another thing that pisses me off: the fact that those wheeled backpack users walk more slowly than the average student. Seriously, one would think that backpacks with wheels would be more efficient, causing students to move faster. I’ve found this isn’t the case.

Here is the deal: if you have two functioning legs and at least one arm, you should be carrying your backpack. If you’re one of those rolly backpackers, then I’ll tell you the same thing my mother told me as a child when I was being lazy: “That’s why God gave you legs.”

Listen, I’ve been a student at Southern for two years now, and I’ve never known anyone to have such a class load that they were unable to carry their books to their classes. If you’ve got such a difficult schedule that you need to pull your books behind you in a little red wagon, then you need to drop a couple of classes and probably lighten up a bit.

Come on people. Pick that bitch up.