The Final Funny Thing About Life…

David Haut - Managing Editor

David Haut – Managing Editor

David Haut

Well, this is it. This is the last column I’m going to write for this paper. I now have to go out and get a real job, or, in other words, I can’t sit at my computer in my underpants in the middle of the night and make stuff up.

So, as a tribute to all of the people in The Chart, I’m going to list a few of my favorite quotes that have been said during my time here.

To protect the names of the people who said them, I won’t mention who they were given by T.J. Gerlach, Andy Tevis, Adam Fast, J.R. Ledford, Jessica MacIntosh, Hallie Hocker, Monique Jamerson, Missy Dunson or myself.

“T.J., you’re a yellow blob.”

The Chart is PDF’n crazy.”

“5 is not a number.”

“J.R., do you shave your arms?”

“I don’t like new socks because they make my feet too hot.”

“Don’t talk about my bodily functions.”

“That made Adam drool.”

“Nash. Ville.”

“Did T.J. just hit on me?”

“What’s your favorite curse word, J.R.?” “Uh, golly gee whiz.”

“It’s kind of like a Bow-Flex.”

“I feel like a rejected Teletubbie.”

“I pierced my pancreas. You can only see it with an x-ray.”

“I just designed my first front page.” “And you’re not even out of diapers yet.”

“What the crop?”

“Here’s a quote, Nate.”

“Nate, you’re a foot-long chili dog.”

“Was that a sneeze, or did you just give birth again?”

“Did you fart?” “No, I burped.”

Seriously, writing this column has given me the opportunity to do some fun stuff, like:

* Almost get hit by cars in an effort to find out if the crosswalks were safe.

* Drive a gator across campus and get it stuck between two walkway rails.

* Get lost in East St. Louis.

* Report on Southern’s bathroom conditions.

* Open a car door with a Slinky.

* Risked my life by drinking seven Red Bulls in an hour and a half. (Editor’s Note: Never attempt to do this, unless you’re planning to get lost in East St. Louis, in which case you will die either way.)

* Bought tampons for a girl.

* Cruised down main street.

Anyway, I’ve had a great time doing all this stuff instead of actually doing my homework. Thanks to anyone who read this column. Thanks to The Chart staff for all the memories. And thanks to everyone in East St. Louis, for letting me leave alive.