As an employee in one of many various retail stores, it seems customers repeat the same or similar offenses in every store they go to.

In this column, I am going to point some of those offenses out in hopes that readers will not repeat them.

Grievance No. 1: Asking “Where is said item?”

There are two times when people ask this question. When the store is out of the item or when the customer is not in the appropriate area.

In case one, the sign describing the product is over the spot where the item would be if it were in stock, but the item is mysteriously absent. Why? Because when the product is not on the floor, it isn’t in stock. Someone else bought it. Stores are trying to make money. They wouldn’t make money if they hid their stuff. Stop asking.

The second case is when the customer is in the wrong area. Well, if the sign in three-foot letters hanging six feet off the ground didn’t tell you, the hardware isn’t in the clothing section! Try looking! If your God-given powers of observation are really that damaged, I’ll direct you to the optical department. Just walk that way until you hit a wall.

Grievance No. 2: Diggers.

These are the annoying people who destroy entire displays of food or clothing looking for “the perfect one.” With my job, the item is always strawberries. I am always told, “These ones aren’t red enough.”

Really?

They came off the same truck. They sat in the same cooler for the same amount of time. They are the same price.

Just grab the one on top and go. Stop destroying my display.

Grievance No. 3: Taste testers.

These are the jerks that try food before they decide to buy or not to buy. They also tend to squeeze or sniff food for some sort of gratification, maybe sexual? More often than not, the people who do these things don’t wind up buying the object they have used and instead buy the cleaner looking one next to it.

Well, here’s the deal. It isn’t an all you-can-eat buffet. So stop plucking the grapes. Secondly, it isn’t a fetish shop, so quit molesting the grapefruit. In fact, just leave. It would save me the awkwardness of approaching you about it.

I hope this class has been informative to you. Please take your stupidity into consideration before you punish some innocent person trying to get by via paycheck. Thank you.