I really hate to be a walking public service announcement, but it’s time someone finally stepped up to let Missouri Southern students know about the most serious issue facing them today.

No, I’m not talking about Ken Kennedy’s hard-on of an active shooter on campus, and I’m sure as hell not talking about petty faculty members and their issues with the president.

Instead, I’m talking about the plague of non-trads.

For those of you not in the know, non-trad is a shortened version of the term “non-traditional student”. Non-traditional students are those students in their thirties, forties, and beyond who find themselves in the – wait for it – “non-traditional” position of being in college later in life.

On some level, I get it. These students have found themselves back in school because they’re looking to further their education and somehow make things better for themselves. Maybe they’re looking for a career change, or maybe they’re simply looking to get into a higher income bracket. While both are noble causes, I can’t say I’m applauding most of these students.

Their rolling backpacks, seemingly endless wardrobe of MSSU apparel, and incessant speaking habits are enough to make me want to go back to high school.

Don’t worry. I’m not going to rant about those damn backpacks again. Been there, done that, and I really don’t want to hear everyone over 40 on campus upset again.

The clothes don’t even really bother me all that much. Sure, I think it’s strange that someone would own Southern shirts, sweatpants, and hats and wear them all at the same time. Out of the ordinary? Maybe. But wrong? Probably not.

What drives me most crazy about non-trads, though, is the fact that they never shut up. Before class, during class, after class, they’ve always got something to say.

The questions they ask during class are always so lame and always at the most inopportune times. Class is over in 30 seconds, and they ask a question that requires a 10-minute answer. It seems I have one of these people in at least one of my classes every single semester.

It drives me mad.

Here’s the way I look at it: if they really just don’t get that much out of the material, they’ve probably made a poor decision in trying to go back to school. After so much time, I’m certain your brain loses the ability to make sense of some of the things we’re supposed to be learning, and it seems for a lot of them, they’re just past that point.

On the other hand, they could just be asking those questions because they’re trying to get in with the teachers. If that’s the case, I say just wait until after class, give the teacher an aitch jay, and call it good.