John and Ann Betar of Fairfield, Conn., got married on Nov. 25, 1932. Today, over 80 years later, they are still happily married.

How freaking cute, right?

I came across the Betars’ story and thought to myself, “How in the hell do they do it?”

I can’t imagine being with someone for longer than 6 months let alone 80 years.

With the scent of Singles Awareness Day in the air, I can’t help but feel slightly depressed that I won’t be sharing chocolates and watching a movie with a sweet guy.

But at the same time, I think “Thank God I don’t have to put in the effort it takes to have a boyfriend 7 days of the week.”

I give mad props to the couples out there who can actually stand each other’s company for more than 24 hours and claim they have found “the one” … or whatever.

Have fun celebrating the holiday dedicated to you both this month.

I obviously wouldn’t be a credible source in sharing the secrets of a successful relationship, but I know now from previous not-so-great relationships that I’ve been in, what makes relationships not work.

Everyone says that the secret to a healthy relationship is trust, compromise, et cetera, blah blah blah.

I think the real secret to having a healthy relationship is finding someone who can actually put up with your B.S.

I offer myself as a case in point.

I don’t want to be with someone who requires more than 30 minutes of conversation per day or or has to see me more than twice per week.

I’d prefer that he didn’t call me—I’m thinking a max of 10 texts per day.

I’ll expect that he ask me about my day and keep up with my day-to-day activities, but he won’t expect me to ask or know about his.

In summary, I dedicate 100 percent of my time to myself and even if someone would dedicate 100 percent of their time to me as well—I still don’t think it would work out.

So, who wants to be my boyfriend?