“A four-state juvenile was charged with armed robbery today after an unsuccessful robbery attempt at a four-state bank. The four-state man’s name is being withheld until his four-state parents are notified, as he is a minor.”

“Area four-state residents who witnessed the crime said they were shocked to see the young man lead four-state police officials on a high speed, two-hour pursuit throughout the four states.”

“He was driving out-of-control,” said Ralph Smith, a four-state man.

Four-state police said he will be charged with robbery and alluding police. Anyone tired of the news yet? No? Well, here’s more four-state news.

“A four-state business is under fire today after a month-long investigation by a four-state private investigator. The four-state business, You Clog, We Plunge, was discovered to be intentionally clogging area four-state drainage pipes.”

“Harry Appleton, the four-state investigator, has been following the four-state business for four months. He was shocked at his findings.”

“Their plunging business name should have been We Clog, You Pay,” Appleton said.

“You Clog, We Plunge closed its doors Tuesday morning after a four-state city council suspended the company’s business license.”

Maybe this is why I hate watching the evening news in the four states. Everything is four states around here. What are the television producers thinking? True, we live in a region where there are four states within driving distance. But does that mean our entire media outlet has to be known as the four states?

We have four-state businesses, people, government agencies and even four-state dentists. But this is possibly the worst example I’ve heard: Jim Jackson, of KSN-TV, led into a story saying, “A four-state governor.”

Who’s writing this stuff, anyway? Do they know it’s impossible to be a four-state governor? I mean, I could be wrong, maybe it is possible to be the governor of Southwest Missouri, Southeast Kansas, Northeast Oklahoma and Northwest Arkansas.

If these local news stations want to graduate from high school TV production, they’re going to need help…bad. Start referring to people, businesses and other agencies for what they are and where they’re from.

“And now let’s turn to Joey Turnbuckle for a look at the four-state weather forecast.”

“Well, it looks like it’s going to be a wacky day around the four states as we could see rain, snow and even the possibility of tornadoes around the four states.”

Ah, the four states.