So I’m wishing my fond farewell to The Chart, among other things.

I have another year left here at Missouri Southern, but I won’t be returning to the College newspaper.

Most outsiders don’t understand, but being a member of The Chart staff gets in your blood. It can be incredibly exhausting at times, but something inexplicable about it keeps you coming back semester after semester.

And with all we’ve accomplished this year (fourth in the nation, best college newspaper in the state), it’s even more difficult for me to walk away. People often question how I can do so after being editor-in-chief of such a successful newspaper.

This is the only answer I can provide: I’m doing it for myself.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived my life trying to achieve everything others consider an accomplishment. But no matter how much praise I receive from others, nothing I’ve achieved makes me truly happy for very long.

Instead, I’ve become tired, mentally and physically. And I’ve spent so much time trying to become what others want me to be that I’ve been unable to form real relationships with other people, because I don’t even know who I really am.

I’ve also become incredibly cynical. My philosophy has become, “Never get your hopes up, because then you can’t be let down.”

Someone recently explained to me the reason I’m this way. He said I’m addicted to what I do, how I feel. The more I thought about what he said, the more sense it made.

I guess it’s comparable to a drug addiction. The accomplishment is like the high, so it becomes habit. But coming down is the worst, and eventually the realization arises that you’re not naturally happy. You have to find that within yourself, not from some outside resource.

What seems to make me really happy is doing for others. Maybe that’s why I fell into the journalism field. Now, however, I know I have to do something for myself.

It’s not that The Chart makes me unhappy. I definitely am going to miss it – I love the friends I’ve made here, the valuable experience I’ve gained, the memories I’ve made.

But I’m stepping back from several things in my life, and this is one of them. I just need a break.

Not only that, but I need time to work on making the greatest accomplishment of my life: finding myself.