You’re driving home when it hits you; you’re out of milk. Maybe you need some ice, or, if you’re like me, you stop in for a Red Bull and a peanut butter Twix. No matter how you look at it, we all need convenience stores.

Now I don’t know why we call them convenience stores, they’re not convenient at all. They have lousy parking, no selection, bad service, high prices and the one thing that is convenient, the give a penny take a penny tray, is always empty, not to mention you always have to wait in line. They should be called inconvience stores.

Have you ever looked at some of the goods these places have to offer? The Campbell soups have dust on them. And who charges five bucks for 10 Tylenol?

So, what little more do these inconvenience stores have to offer than cigarettes and alcohol to minors?

Of course, we buy our gas from there, but I usually pay at the pump. I like pay at the pump for two reasons. First, I’m lazy, and second, I think I offended someone I call the Lotto lady. The Lotto lady has a full-time job scratching Lotto tickets. One day I commented on her losing streak. I haven’t been back since.

Yeah, you can also gamble at convenience stores. You take a gamble when you walk into one at three in the morning. You take a gamble if you decide to eat one of the hot dogs that’s been in there for weeks, and you really take a gamble if you decide to use the bathroom (especially if you need a key attached to a hubcap to get in).

Besides fuel for our cars, these stores offer nothing good for us. Beer, cigarettes, soda, candy bars, pork rinds – this is the reason we love these stores. With one stop we can gas up, get drunk, buzzed and fat.

So, the next time you stop at a store for gas and decide to go in, say, “hi” to the Lotto lady, don’t eat the hot dogs and stay out of the bathroom.