Cruising. I don’t know why people do it. I still can’t figure it out. Who thinks it is fun to drive 10 miles an hour up and down a street with a radio blasting a Top 40 rap song and call the car next to you a mofo?

It’s actually one of the few things from the ’50s that still remains cool (to a few people, anyway).

Sure, it’s a teenage way of rebelling, but against what, the ozone layer?

I found myself on Main Street on a Saturday night once. I neglected to realize that I was on Main Street on a Saturday until it was too late. I decided to see how fun this really was.

The first thing I saw was a guy in a doo rag and a wife-beater, hanging out of the car next to me, pointing down at my car and probably saying something about my mom. I passed them.

I got to Seventh Street. The stoplight there is long, meaning I had to hold my current position for a minute or two. As soon as the car behind me stopped, people all around me were changing cars and walking around. Three people ran around my car. It was like a Pringles commercial.

Here are a few things I’ve noticed about cruisers.

First, you can’t have a muffler. If you do, make a hole in it the size of, say, a bowling ball.

Second, fill your car with as many people as you can and have them all hang out of the windows. There is a risk of decapitation, but a small price to pay for the joy of cruising.

A hat turned slightly to one side is always popular. People say it looks cool, but I think they do it so no one knows who they really are.

I always see these guys, half their body hanging out of a window, neck out, head up, lip curled on one side like Elvis, flailing their arms up and down like they’re trying to fly, spouting off expletives like Jay and Silent Bob. They’re obviously mad about something. You’d think at 10 miles-an-hour it would be hard to get into an accident.

So, the next time you’re bored, don’t go to the movies. Call all of your friends, pull off your muffler and crank up KSYN 92.5 as loud as it’ll go. Who said there was nothing to do in this town?