I think somewhere there is a class for aspiring coaches on how to talk to the press.

It has to be hidden somewhere in the schedule book, because everyone would want to take the class. I’m serious about this. If you had interviewed as many coaches as I have, then you know that writing sports is the easiest thing in the world.

All you really have to do is write the first story and the next story follows the same format with the exact same quotes. The only thing that changes is the scores and stats from the game.

How many times have you read a sports story or watched a coach talk on the news about a game and wonder, “Did he say that last week?”

Chances are the coach did say that exact same quote last week, but this week he changed the wording in it.

Coaches are great for quotes. Coach speak is one of the greatest things in the world. In fact, these quotes can be used in everyday life just to confuse some people. It’s a lot of fun just to see the look on people’s faces when you start talking about a person being a “manchild.”

Let me give you an example of coach speak used in everyday life. Say you’re talking to a group of incoming freshmen, and they ask about advice for their time in college. You could say, “Well, there are going to be times when people are going to challenge your manhood. And you better not take a knife to a gunfight, because once the bullets start flying, you have to be a man up front.”

This coach speak is something that can only be taught in a classroom. Some other good quotes, and these can come from any coach really, are: “We have to take our ‘A’ game,” or “The (insert sport here) season is more of a marathon, than a sprint.”

Oh, really coach. Tell us more. “We’ll just take it one game at a time.”

I’m telling you there has got to be a class somewhere for this. If I’m wrong then I didn’t bring my ‘A’ game.