I have a musical family. Naturally you’d think I would be musical as well. I mean, come on, my parents sing like Frank and Nancy Sinatra, my twin brother plays Beethoven’s fifth on the piano with his eyes closed and my little brother plays electric guitar like Carlos Santana. Until now, my only musical skill was the air guitar, comparable only to Bill and Ted.

So, I decided to try and impress my girlfriend and start playing the guitar. I learned a few songs to sing to her, which I can play moderately well. I think my best one is “Build Me Up, Buttercup” by the Foundations.

The one thing I like about the guitar is the clout you get by saying, “I play the guitar.” Those words make you sound like you know what you’re doing, even if the only song you know is “I Heard it Through the Grapevine” by Gladys Knight and the Pips.

I’ve also tried writing music. I’ve written a few so far. My first few weren’t so good. They had titles like, Cat on Piano, Car Hitting Tree and Me Smashing a Guitar. They were instrumental pieces but all entirely original. My album should hit stores next fall. It’s entitled, Broken Strings.

Another thing I like about playing musical instruments is that you look cool when you play them. If I came with a mute button, ( I know there’s a lot of you who wish I did), I would take my guitar everywhere. People would say, wow, he looks cool. And with good reason, I have a guitar.

I’m aware that it takes time and practice to be good. I’m sure Aerosmith’s Joe Perry was once just as bad as I am. But look at him now, he’s a multi-millionaire superstar with his own hot sauce.

In recent months, I must say I’ve become rather proficient. Now, I can play dozens of songs. By proficient I mean I hold the guitar the right way and by dozens of songs I mean I can play 18 chords.

I’m still trying to learn the eccentricities of the guitar. I don’t like how I have to tune it every time I play. I never had to tune my air guitar. Of course, my air guitar never broke a string either.

I also didn’t know that strumming the guitar was hard. I figured that would be the one thing I could do well, that is, until I kept losing my pick inside the guitar. It seems like every time one falls inside, someone happens to come waltzing into my room. I’m always laying on my back, holding the guitar upside down and turning it from side to side. And every time, someone has to say, “that’s not how you play it, you know.”

No wonder I’m progressing so slowly.