So, how was your break?

Have you heard this question like 102,544 times? And every time, did you answer, “Uhh, it was good.”

It’s more than likely a guy will pull up to your car in a limo and ask you for some Grey Poupon than for you to not hear this question.

If that’s not enough, after someone asks this question, they don’t even care to hear the response. I’ve started to respond to people by saying this:

“Well, I took over a third world country, split the atom and got kicked off “The Apprentice.” How was your break?”

“Uhh, it was good.”

But, now that we’re back, I’m not so good. I have a cold. It all started when all the cold germs in the universe saw how happy and healthy I was and decided to move in for an attack, primarily on my nose. Currently, as I’m writing this, I have used about 1,236 tissues, and my nose has not yet run out of snot. I think that’s incredible.

Cold germs are smart, mischievous organisms. They don’t just make you feel sick; they make you look stupid. They start by making you a little sick; not so sick you have to stay home, but too sick to do any actual work.

When you’re in the middle of an important conversation, they make you sneeze. During a lecture, they make you cough. When you’re on TV for a televised class, they make you think you’re going to sneeze so you move your mouth and nose up and down with your eyes half closed while leaning further and further back in your chair.

To battle this, I went to the store, going straight for the good stuff, Sudafed. If you’re unaware or if you’ve ever tried to buy Sudafed, duct tape, gas treatment, motor oil, oranges, grapes, paint thinner or barbecue sauce, you know these are all ingredients for “meth,” short for “meth.”

This means you must provide license, date of birth, blood type, urine sample and real hair color. But it’s worth it because Sudafed makes you feel so disoriented, you forget all about your cold and focus on other things, like how you’re really tired when the box says non-drowsy.

So, here I am, disoriented from Sudafed. But don’t worry. Soon I’ll sneeze, and the cold germs will leave my body to bother someone else, perhaps you, and you’ll be back to reading a much more humorous column next week. As for my winter break, “Uhh it was good.”