With spring break rapidly approaching, I’ve found, through several informal surveys, conducted by myself, that several students have fallen sick with a disease called pre-spring breakitis, which, according to medical officials, can only be cured with beer.

I, myself, have a mild case of this. With spring break only a week away, I find it hard to do anything. In fact, I’m sitting here in The Chart office right now, hoping that some student will crack, become extremely intoxicated and run around campus screaming, so I can write a humor column about it.

Typically, college-age students spend big bucks to go to some beach, get severely intoxicated and try and somehow make a cameo appearance on MTV’s spring break.

If you’re unsure of what MTV’s spring break is, it’s a series of camera shots panning through a bunch of drunk 20-somethings in bathing suits all going “Waaaahhooooooo” while bouncing up and down, without moving their arms and shaking their heads from side to side.

Right about now, you’re probably thinking, “why did we start wanting to get on MTV’s spring break in the fist place?”

Well, it’s because, back in the early 90’s, the college-age people of the time thought it would be worthwhile to spend a thousand dollars to go to Florida to see Pauly Shore.

None of them will admit it, but I’m sure deep down they are all still closet Pauly Shore fans.

Anyway, back to the present. Spring break.

So, how do we expect to finance this trip?

Well, as college students, we have the good fortune to have a selfless, caring and generous group looking out for us – the credit card companies.

Yes, they are there to send you about 2,485 credit card offers per year, in hopes you will get the subtle hint and order them, so we can go to Cancun, max them all out in Bazhooty Bob’s Boom Boom Room buying drinks for a bunch of total strangers, get drunk, pass out on the beach, get sand lodged in a bunch of uncomfortable places, get sick, come home with a hangover, a sunburn and a huge credit card debt you will no doubt never be able to pay off and therefore be forced to be on one of those consumer debt management commercials on late-night television.

How thoughtful.

Personally, I’ve never gone on a group spring break trip. Most of them have been me going to visit my family, or me going to visit Wal-Mart.

Actually, my most fond memory of a spring break trip was a trip I took to the east coast to visit my aunt and uncle.

They took my brother and me to New York City, where the two of us collected numerous fliers, for free drinks to live shows featuring guys dressed in leather with piercings.

This probably sounds like I’m not going anywhere with it, but, to be honest,

I’m just anxious for spring break to get here, and I have a deadline, so I have to sit here and keep typing some

So, in case you are wondering, I’ll be staying here and spending time with my beautiful fiancee, Emily.

But please, say “Hello” to Bazhooty Bob for me.