As most students are well aware, Valentine’s Day is this coming Wednesday. I am here to tell you some things that you can do and, more importantly, some of the things you can’t do.

The first, and most important thing to have this time of year is common sense. Guys, don’t go out and buy your significant other a vacuum cleaner just because she said she needed one and it was on sale. Rubber gloves, aprons, mops, brooms, and all other manner of cleaning materials are strongly advised against. Also men, clothes are a bad idea! Because you know that if the clothes are even the slightest bit off in size, you will never hear the end of it. Not from her, her friends, her parents, your friends, your parents, and, let’s face it, your own conscience as well.

Secondly, simplicity is underrated. I ask people what they plan on doing for their other halves and I get a lot of “I don’t know.” Understand this, anything is better than nothing at all. Many a male feels that a cliché of some kind is a one-way ticket to the single life. As a married man, I can say that this is not the case. Go buy a rose and a box of chocolates (approximate cost- $14.98) and prepare yourself for the chorus of “oohs” and “aahs” from your girlfriend’s girlfriends. Honestly, a card with some candy attached to it is better than “Oh, I’m sorry honey. I just didn’t want to do anything unoriginal.” So remember, when in doubt, chocolates, roses, and sweet greeting cards with hearts and flowers are not a terrible alternative.

Instead of just telling you all of the most terrible things you can do on Valentine’s Day, I am going to show you how to treat a classy lady without taking out a second mortgage. The cheap theater is your friend. Use it. Stranger Than Fiction, starring Will Ferrell, is currently at the Joplin Cinema 6 and will be showing at 4:30 p.m. So there is $3 for two tickets. Now for dinner. At the Red Onion Café, you will end up spending about $7 for a sandwich, but think of it in the sense that you are paying for the atmosphere. If you go just about anywhere decent in Joplin for a dinner date, that is about what you will spend. But the Red Onion is based solely in Joplin and is owned by the same person that owns Bella Peppers, so you know the food will be good (and it really is).

Men, I hate to say it but you have no excuse to not completely blow her away this Valentine’s Day. And ladies don’t pull this: “You only did it because you read it in that guy’s column!” If your boyfriend does absolutely everything on Valentines Day, exactly as you just read it, don’t complain. Enjoy your free dinner and movie and tell all of your friends later. Go on girls say it with me… “Oooh, aaah!”