Men: Sometimes they’re enough to make one seriously contemplate joining team lesbian.

I work two jobs. My day job is respectable but my other job, well, let’s just say you wouldn’t want to speak about it at your kid’s career day. That’s right, I work at a bar. I serve drinks, or, as my father likes to call it, I’m a “barmaid.” In the words of Rodney Dangerfield, “I get no respect.”

I’m not na’ve. I know what drunken guys can be like. Being hit on is one thing. Being groped and asked for “special favors” is another. And no, I don’t care how much money you have, I’m still not going home with you.

I’m just trying to make a buck. Am I selling my soul? Maybe. Am I selling my body? Uh, no.

But as one of my family members so eloquently put it, “Well, there are other things you could if you want to make even more money” (a.k.a. stripping, prostitution, etc.)

That’s right ladies, if you sell alcoholic beverages you might-as-well be swinging naked around a pole.

So guys, here are some tips on how not to make your cocktail server feel like a whore.

When your server asks you if you want a shot she is not asking if you want a shot of her or off her.

Your server does not care to hear you brag about how much money you have, the hot tub at your house or the seats in your truck.

Just because your server’s skirt is above her knees it does not mean she’s an open-24-hours diner.

When your server is friendly to you it does not mean she wants you or even likes you.

As far as touching goes: A touch on the arm, hand placed on the back, or arm around the shoulders are usually OK. Do not let your hand slip down, down, down.

All your server really wants is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, and your money of course. So treat her right. She might just return the favor.