Entering university means arriving without a name and without the labels that once defined you. To others, you are a blank canvas, which can be exciting and stressful at the same time. And although for others it may be clear who they are, for me, my identity became a question.
The first day is always the easiest. You arrive, greet people, introduce yourself, and explore. Conversations usually stay simple, limited to your major, your name, and age. The temporary feeling that everyone is on the same wavelength is comforting; at least during the first week. After that, everything starts to feel more tense and lonely.
As the weeks passed, I realized how easy it is to simply stay afloat alongside everyone else. Being in a place where no one knows my past has given me the freedom to decide what I want others to know about me and what I don’t. For someone who has always been limited by other people’s opinions, this is without a doubt overwhelming.
Before, my classmates and teachers labeled me as quiet, shy, or slow, and I learned to adapt to fit in. Now, here, everyone has their own groups and ways of being, and sometimes it’s hard to join one when you don’t fit into a specific mold. I find myself changing with every person I meet, and that makes me question who I really am, what my true personality is, and why I sometimes feel the need to hide parts of myself, so others won’t drift away. That constant balance between showing myself is exhausting and confusing.
In the end, maybe the most important thing about not being known at the beginning is that it isn’t a disadvantage, much less a weakness, but as an opportunity. An opportunity to discover who I am, to try different versions of myself, and to learn from each of them. Although at times this freedom overwhelms me and fills me with uncertainty, it also allows me to explore my true personality without the pressure of fitting into what others expect from me. Little by little, I am learning that being authentic doesn’t mean pleasing everyone but accepting myself while I find my place in a new environment.