Open the drapes, people


Nathan Carter

I’m getting fed up with chain mails and chain posts on Facebook.

The other day I noticed seven different posts saying, “Let’s see who is paying attention…Every single one of you are on my friend list as a result of a conscious decision. I am not only glad to count you as a friend but also as family! Let’s see who is on my friends list actually pays attention. Copy and post this on your status. I will be watching to SEE!”


I turned around and immediately posted the following.

“Let’s see who’s paying attention…Every single one of you on my friends list was added automatically without any thought put into it whatsoever. You are part of a plan to boost my self esteem by racking up numbers of friends to make me feel good about the fact that I am a recluse staring at a computer several hours a day who will never fornicate…copy and post this to your status.”

I have become rather indifferent to these insecurities. As time rolls on, they see one another less and less. Their only contact with the outside world becomes the computer and the cell phone. They draw the drapes, and as evolution occurs, eventually, light burns both their eyes and skin, an uncontrollable lust for human blood consumes the mind and the closest thing you have to social contact is reading the Twilight series.

Get over it.

It might be good for you to meet some of the people you’ve befriended on Facebook. Better yet, it might be good to know them in the first place. I assume that posting a message that cries, “My friends’ list is legit!” is just another defense mechanism created in order to further the delusion of your fantasy world.

Open the drapes and get out in the world, otherwise I will open the drapes and come after you wannabe vampires with a wooden stake, and yes, it’s back.

You have been warned.