“Dear Kate” is a student-run advice column.  If you need some advice, submit your question or comment anonymously to Kate at [email protected].

One fellow communications major offered me this question.

“I need help getting laid, any advice?”

I know you are desperate and anxious to experience “getting laid,” but come on, man.  You just need to calm yourself down and slow down.

O.K, for starters, you need to cut the dork factor 100 percent. That will help a ton!!!  

Anyways, I don’t know if I am the best person to answer this question, but if I was in your shoes then I would go to a bar, go from there and see what happens! Not that I advocate drinking and doing that, but whatever works for you!

“How do you avoid the cops when your frat brothers ditch you, naked, in the middle of town?”

Option 1: Find a big object to hide behind like a bush or dumpster.  However don’t get into the dumpster to hide because a trash truck might take it away.  Be still, hold your breath and hope they don’t find you.

Option 2: When the cops find you naked, tell them you came from the future and you’re looking for Sarah Connor.

Option 3: Run like hell!!!

“How can I sleep in class without my teacher knowing?”

We all fall victim to those super boring classes so here is what I suggest: Buy some really, really dark sunglasses like you see poker players wearing, wear a hat and a hoodie.  If your teacher has a problem with your sunglasses, tell him or her that you have turned into a night dweller and the light bothers you.  If they keep pushing it, have fake fangs in your mouth ready to go and just grin!!!

Frank asks, “Dear Kate…what’s the best way to a girl’s heart?”

My friend Josh replies, “The path to a girl’s heart is often dangerous and costly. You pay for dates and her ex bf’s mistakes. I’m burnt out already and I’m only 22. If true love exists and I am meant to find it then it will find me first. I’m done looking.”