I hate clichés.

The overuse of similes and metaphors has really begun to upset me. It is an incredible display of lack of originality of our culture, and has now become a concern to me.

For example, do you ever hear people telling you, “My life has been like a roller coaster.”

I understand that life has its ups and downs, but originality demands you say something else. I assume, because of how I hear it used, that something terrible, unpleasant or disappointing happens after reaching or after sustaining a high point in their life.

The fact is, you aren’t moving 60 or so miles an hour without the top of a car. However, I do hope if you are one of the people who uses this phrase loosely, that you get motion sickness from overuse of the phrase. I’m tired of hearing it.

Another one that irritates me is, “Back in the day” or its partner, “the good ol’ days.”

Unless it is dark outside, “back in the day” doesn’t mean anything, and what was so good about the “ol’ days?” I’ve attended history classes. I know what you lived through, so unless were part of the counterculture in the 1960s, your life was pretty damn difficult.

Here is a list of other overused phrases that annoy me, accompanied by my never before seen internal dialogue. Read that in whatever tone you wish.

“Cry me a river.” I hope you drown in it.

“Give 110 percent.” You failed math in middle school and still failed to motivate me.

“Think outside the box.” Isn’t saying, “Think outside the box” inside the box?

“Put your two cents in?” Can’t afford anything.

“But wait! There’s more!” If you had my attention in the first place, would you really need to say this?

“You’re kidding me” or, “Are you kidding me?” No. I said it to see the look on your face.

“The world’s smallest violin.” Too many people use it for me to believe you own the real one.

“Avoid it like the plague.” If I had the plague I wouldn’t have to listen to you.

“Balls to the wall.” Hammer and nails.

“It’s a communist conspiracy!” The Cold War is over.

“The whole nine yards.” What does that even mean?

“The tip of the iceberg.” Like I want to see more.

“Take the bull by the horns.” It would be more entertaining to see you gored, but hey.

“More (object) than you can shake a stick at.” If the object is dangerous, I would like to see you shake a stick at it. I will be there to photograph your last moments flinging a stick wildly at something like an idiot.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, be a little more original with your language, because sometimes my internal dialogue might not stay there.

You have been warned.