Sex, it’s one of the great American pass times.  I’d even put it right up there with eating and sleeping.  According to a study done by Sandra Caron, Ph.D. entitled “The Sex Lives of College Students”, 87% of college students are doing it. So yeah, I’m talking to you MSSU.

Since I am 22 years old and don’t live under a rock, I’m guessing most of you guys out there think your “pull out game” is strong?  Am I right? I’m the pregnant college student who used the “pull out” method and I’m here to tell you about my day.  It starts a little something like this:

I wake up to this churning feeling in my stomach like this parasite growing in me is literally trying to kill me.  If I’m lucky enough not to hurl up my own empty stomach as soon as I roll out of bed, then the dry heaving will come after I attempt to force down some breakfast.  Every class I must warn all my teachers that I may or may not have to sprint out of the room, hand over mouth, baby laughing evilly in my womb.  This is my nightmare.  Why God, why would anyone ever intentionally do this to themselves?  

When I return home, some objectives that might normally be on my brain like homework or house cleaning or maybe even a hike with friends yet occur, yet I am useless.  The shape of my ass will be perpetually stamped upon my routine couch cushion until after this fetus has long since left the womb.   The couch is my home.

Saying I did this all by myself though would be giving myself too much credit.  I can’t deny credit where credit is due.  The other half of this beautiful miraculous journey is my boyfriend, Andy. 

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I wake up to him gasping in his sleep, drenched in sweat.  He opens his fear filled eyes, “I can’t even change a diaper.”  Of the many terrifying aspects of caring for a helpless human lifeform, I think Andy is the most scared of poop.  Yet, he is the one crapping his pants at the idea of fatherhood.

After the bundle of joy and vomit arrives, I have no idea how I will keep up with my homework.  I’m due April 29 which is right around finals week.  Did I mention this is my nightmare?  After that, I have two semesters left until I graduate.  Luckily, MSSU offers daycare services for infants above 6 weeks, but the cost is $34 a day. 

Sometimes I roll into the gas station on fumes. How on God’s green Earth do they expect college students to be able to afford that? 

Even if I only came to class twice a week, that would be $1,088 a semester on top of everything else that must be paid for to go to school.  It’s just not practical.

Yes, I know you think your pullout game is strong.  Yes, I know condoms suck but you know what sucks worse?  $1,088 that I could have spent on a plethora of more enjoyable things.

Condoms suck, but I miss breakfast and sleeping.  Condoms suck, but so does trudging through pregnancy to try and make a future for myself.  Condoms suck, but so is planning for a future I’m not sure I can afford anymore.